Living in Iowa: This holiday, don’t think about the sin of gluttony
by Dan Brawner · November 24, 2009

In the late 6th Century, when he listed gluttony as one of the “seven deadly sins,” Pope Gregory I probably knew he was biting off more than he could chew. According to Gregory The Great (no reference to his size intended), the slippery slope to Hell is greased by: lust, gluttony, avarice, sloth, wrath, envy and pride. Some have argued that the pontiff’s list is more a description of the human experience than a catalog of sins. And although gluttony was only the sixth deadliest sin, Gregory took a dim view of excess in any form, including eating.

Which brings us to Thanksgiving. When the Pilgrims and the Indians celebrated the first Thanksgiving, it was the culinary equivalent of whistling in the dark. Nobody knew where their next meal was coming from, and there was a good chance some of them would starve to death during the coming winter. There were undoubtedly those at that first table who must have been thinking they were having their last good meal.

Things are generally different today. According to the Centers for Disease Control, 26 percent of all Americans are obese, and a recent study by Emory University predicts that by 2018 obesity will raise health care costs by $344 billion annually. At 26.7 percent obesity, Iowa is only the 22nd fattest state, although meteorologists keep tapping the map of Iowa with their pointers and referring to us as the nation’s “breadbasket,” as if we were America’s official stomach.

Speaking of health care costs and obesity, some insurance companies are starting to charge a “fat fee,” a premium for policy holders who gain or fail to lose weight. If being chubby keeps getting more expensive, obesity could become the next big thing, a sign of conspicuous consumption. Like a Rolex watch – with stretch marks.

It’s not as if nobody wants fat these days. This week, police in Lima, Peru, arrested two suspects carrying bottles of human fat they claimed is valued at $60,000 a gallon. The problem is, police believe they are part of a gang that may have killed dozens of people and sold their fat to make cosmetics – which gives new meaning to the term “morbidly obese.” This sounds like a heart-rending story, but medical experts aren’t swallowing it. Julio Castro, Dean of Peru’s Medical College in Lima, told the Associated Press, “Hundreds of liters of human fat are obtained every day at cosmetics clinics (through liposuction) and disposed of.” People are dying to get rid of their fat – nobody has to kill for it.

If human fat were really that precious, obesity would be a growth industry. I’d be hanging out at McDonald’s all day, scarfing down cheese fries. “Aren’t you finished yet?” they’d ask. “Don’t interrupt me,” I’d say. “I’m working.”

This Thanksgiving, let’s clear our minds of Pope Gregory’s rant on gluttony, fat fees and Peruvians sneaking up behind us with huge turkey basters to suck out our blubber. Let’s just enjoy our food and the company of friends and family. When you think about it, we have a lot to be thankful for.